JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just forgot I was standing up.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
