So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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