he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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