You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
All the doctor said was why
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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