Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
