i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
