I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he thought i was a dude.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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