Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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