My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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