I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
