one word: firstdatebathroomanal
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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