I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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