What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING THE BAGELS
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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