I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My feet surprised me
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