I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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