sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
