mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
