I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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