im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
