AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
