its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
