I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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