you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
