I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize