he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
