You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
