You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How does it feel to date your dad?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
