Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
