i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
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my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
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did i walk over a car last night?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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