he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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