Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize