eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I need to stop coming to work sober
My balls are so social today.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
