I just saw a hot homeless man
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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