If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
