Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
