What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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