a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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