Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
