if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
