"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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