Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize