He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
50% drunk capacity currently
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
