Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
