hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
