Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
