There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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