Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize