shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
