I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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