We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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