So drunk its hurt
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
