2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
