Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
