Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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