I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
