So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
They should really pass out barf bags in church
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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