Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
