the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
