I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
