I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
